The new Pokemon games, Scarlet and Violet, have just released. I’ve personally been enjoying the game, getting baked out of my mind while chilling with Fuecoco. But it’s one thing to get high and play Pokemon. Getting high with a Pokemon? Now that’d be a whole other experience.
But as it stands, there are now over a thousand of these things. Which one would make the best smoking buddy?
As per usual, Chronic Haze has got you covered. Today we’ve rounded up the top five Pokemon to smoke weed with. For science.
You might be reading this and thinking “Weezing? This guy smells so bad, he’d ruin the sesh!” And you’d be right if we were talking about the regular Weezing. We’re talking about the newer variant, Galarian Weezing.
There’s two things to note about Galarian Weezing. Firstly, this guy literally looks like a bong. You could easily load one of his faces as your bowl and take a hit from the smokestack on his head.
Secondly, unlike his foul-smelling brethren, this Weezing de-contaminates his environment and expels clean air! Galarian Weezing would filter your smoke better than any water pipe ever could. You’d literally be better off breathing this guy’s fumes than regular air.
As for what to smoke in a Weezing bong, something like Pink Zombie would hit perfectly. Its heavy sedating effects will have you looking like a Weezing.
One look at Sceptile and it’s obvious that this guy smokes. His eyes are always a little bloodshot. He’s super chilled out all the time. He hangs out in the trees all day. Sceptile would know where to find the best weed. And given his Pokedex descriptions, he might even be growing it himself.
Smoking with a Sceptile would probably be super chill. He’d always have the best smoking spots, deep in nature. His mellow energy would make him the perfect sesh partner. Sceptile seems like someone who’d use weed to increase his focus.
A Pokemon so balanced in body and mind would definitely be smoking a strain as balanced as he is. Something like Angel Fire, by Green Giant’s Garden, would be a perfect fit for this green giant.
Okay, if Sceptile knows where to find the best weed, then Venusaur is the guy he’s getting it from.
If you played Pokemon Stadium back in the day, you don’t even need me to tell you. Venusaur looked high as hell. Aside from just looking absolutely faded all the time, his eyes would routinely be super bloodshot while he was in battle. And even the Pokedex says his flower has the ability to calm anyone nearby. As far as we know, Venusaur literally is weed.
So what’s Venusaur smoking? Probably a strong indica-dominant strain, like Grape Ape. Its fruity taste and proneness to making users couch-locked and sleepy would make it the perfect strain to hit with your dinosaur friend.
Mewtwo might seem a little threatening at first, being the original final boss of the series. But if you remember the first Pokemon movie, you know that Mewtwo changed his violent ways by the conclusion. And all of his motivations came from a deep introspectiveness.
As you might already know, Mewtwo was engineered to have a near-perfect brain. But it’s this near-perfect brain that causes him to question his very existence. He’s looking for answers that go deeper than any human brain could hope to ponder. Mewtwo would be the perfect smoking partner for those that are looking to have deep conversations about life.
If you’re an OG fan, you know part of what made Mewtwo so overpowered was his move Amnesia. As such, he’d likely be smoking something like Amnesia Haze, a sativa-dominant strain so potent it’ll boost your special stats to Mewtwo-like levels.
You might remember this guy from Gold and Silver (the best games in the series). You might also be wondering how this guy made it to the top of the list. Well, similarly to Weezing, we’re not talking about the Typhlosion you know from childhood. We’re talking about the Hisuian Typhlosion from Pokemon Legends: Arceus. The one that the internet has dubbed “Highphlosion.”
Never before has a Pokemon gained new powers simply by chilling out. Typhlosion basically got so high that he began to witness another plane of existence. He looks like he did shrooms and met God. And his face says “Eh, it was alright.”
Out of the now over-a-thousand Pokemon that exist, Hisuian Typhlosion would surely be the best one to smoke weed with. His serene energy would instantly soothe your worries. Even the Pokedex states that he uses his flames to guide the lost souls. When Mewtwo asks “Who am I?”, Typhlosion responds with “You are who you are, bro. There’s no sense in overthinking our place in the universe. The most we can do is live for today.” And then he’d spark one up.
So what do you think? Do you agree with our picks? At Chronic Haze, we pride ourselves on our knowledge of weed and cannabis culture. We offer same-day delivery and curbside pickup in various Ontario cities. Signing up as a member gives you 250 free points for future purchases. Looking to buy weed online? Sign up today!