Do you have these 7 types of stoners in your friend group?
A stoner is nothing without their crew. Having the right people to smoke with is almost as important as the weed itself. But like every unit, everyone eventually falls into certain roles that contribute to the group. Who are these individuals? Which one are you? Read on to find out.
Probably the easiest to pick out from the bunch, the resident Tank is known for their unmatched ability to smoke more weed than anyone else. This cannabis veteran hits bowl after bowl and still needs to hit another on their way out. This is the friend who eats twice the amount of edibles as everyone else and still walks away saying “I don’t think I’m high.” Or, in the case of Snoop Dogg, smokes 75-100 blunts a day.
On the one hand, you’ve got someone who’s always good when everyone else is too far gone. On the other hand, you’re definitely gonna be going through all your weed with this friend around. Remember to re-stock before they show up!
The Lightweight shares similar levels of infamy with the Tank, but for polar opposite reasons. You won’t be needing too much weed when this friend’s around. A couple of puffs is all they need, and they’re good to go.
On the flip side, you better not depend on this friend to keep anyone or anything in check for you. This individual will not be good to do anything too strenuous and is best suited to just playing video games or something. Hell, they probably fell asleep when you weren’t looking.
You know that friend with the anger problem? No? Then it must be you. In any case, this person shows up to the sesh stressed out as hell, and will probably snap or say something rude to you in passing. But you know not to get too worked up over it, because in about five minutes, you’ll be speaking to an entirely different person.
Two hits in, and your friend has transformed into the most chilled-out, mellow person you’ve ever seen. Suddenly they’re congratulating you on that promotion, making plans with you, asking about your family…it almost seems like they need the weed to be their true self. Are you okay, homie? We can talk if you need to.
Also known as “The One Who’s Better Stoned,” this is the friend who does not rest. They probably have two jobs, and might even be going to school in the meantime. They’ve got side hustles galore, and maybe even a personal creative project. Whatever it is, one thing is for certain: they’re always high.
Running purely on hate and THC, the Hustler uses similar amounts of weed to the Lightweight but has somehow developed the tolerance of the Tank. This person can get anything done when they’re high. But to be honest, they seem kinda stressed out. They’d probably be better off chilling out for a bit. Don’t work yourself too hard there, friendo.
The Woke One
This is the one who had their life changed by weed. The Woke One takes a puff and suddenly becomes a sage, shining a light onto whatever problems are ailing their friends. This hippie start dropping wisdom faster than you can say “Wiz Khalifa.” They manage to keep a relaxed but upbeat vibe that gets everyone motivated again.
That said, while they’re well-meaning, their advice can be a little unasked for sometimes. We get it, bro. We should meditate and exercise and chase our dreams. You’re right. I’m tired, though. I just came to sesh.
The Conspiracy Theorist
Warning: be careful when you hand this friend the blunt. Just a few tokes could mean you’ve initiated a two-hour monologue about how the Illuminati is to blame for all the world’s problems. The Conspiracy Theorist is the friend who lets the weed get to their head. They think they’ve cracked the code of the universe, the government, whatever. On top of that, they think they’re The Woke One.
The Conspiracy Theorist can be entertaining at times. Give them the tiniest semblance of a prompt, and they’ll have a speech prepared that somehow links back to how we live in a society, man. Quite often, though, they can be a little annoying. Put the mic down, my friend. Let’s just chill.
The One Who Doesn’t Even Smoke
Why’d this guy even show up? Whether this friend doesn’t like weed or quit for their own reasons, you won’t catch them touching the joint. Usually seen just hanging around, this friend is either the most hype person in the group or the most sullen-looking.
You might be wondering why a non-stoner would be shacked up with a group of stoners. But honestly, they’re still part of the squad. Elitism and exclusivity would go against the weed code. So this guy can hang. As long as he stays chill while everyone else is seshing.
Wanna Learn More?
So which one of these did you most relate to? Have any friends that resemble these archetypes? Well, before you meet up with those friends for the next sesh, make sure to stop by the Chronic Haze online store! We’ve got tons of amazing cannabis and related products, with same-day delivery and curbside pickup to get your products to you as efficiently as possible.
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Looking for some more reads? Check out this blog post on how to roll a cross joint!