Naruto vs. Sasuke: Who’d Win a Smoke-Off?

Naruto vs Sasuke: who’s stronger? If you were a fan of anime in the 2000s, the question was always hanging in the air.

 

If you watched the last episode of the series, you know that their fight ended in a stalemate. But that’s a physical fight. Ever wondered who’d win in a smoke-off No? Just me? Well, anyway…

 

Today we’ll look at what I believe would be one of the greatest anime battles of all time. Which of these two shinobi would outsmoke the other?

 

How Would This Go Down?

 

In order to figure this out, it would be best to split up the judgments into categories. Let’s assume they’re not just smoking cannabis flower, but also using edibles and concentrates. It’ll be a battle with multiple avenues to determine whose THC tolerance is higher.

 

We’ll also ignore any plot changes that came with Boruto. Why? I haven’t seen it. Ready? Let’s get started.

 

Flower

 

 

Let’s be honest: Naruto’s no stranger to the smoke. Whether he’s with Jiraiya or the toads, someone’s always carrying a pipe. And you know Naruto has probably hit it at some point. He’s a pretty relaxed guy who likes to eat, so he’d probably smoke an indica like Pink Anxiety.

 

All in all, Naruto would probably hold his own. But he is the type of guy who’d smoke just to enhance his downtime. He’d probably be wheezing after just a couple joints.

 

Sasuke, on the other hand, is a stressed-out guy. He’s probably constantly smoking while he’s on the go, trying to keep his mind at ease. He’d likely hit a sativa like Purple Haze, increasing his focus and further enhancing his visual prowess. Given his disposition, Sasuke probably smokes more than Naruto on a given day.

 

Additionally, Sasuke also knows multiple Fire-Style Jutsus. He has no issue with literal fire in his lungs. Sasuke could probably smoke a whole pack of Backwoods and leave with nothing but a light cough.

 

For this reason, we’re gonna have to give the round to Sasuke.

 

Edibles

 

 

For this round, we’ll imagine the two have a slew of edibles in front of them. Some Buudabombs, some Shatter Bars, a mountain of infused goods.

 

This one’s a no-brainer: Naruto loves to eat! He’d probably finish his share before the THC even hit him. And the fact that he probably showed up with a belly full of ramen would work in his favour. The absorption rate of the THC would be slowed, allowing Naruto to coast through his meal without being overwhelmed.

 

Sasuke? Not so much. We know he’s a light eater, typically ordering smaller meals when the group would stop by restaurants. His trim build also indicates a fast metabolism, meaning Sasuke would probably be hit hard after only eating a few gummies.

 

This round goes to Naruto. Now, for the final round…

 

Concentrates

 

 

For this round, let’s consider the two of them hitting dabs. Terp Sauce, to be exact. Given that you don’t need as much to get high, simply smoking more wouldn’t be the best test of skill. Instead, we’ll see whose brain would succumb under the sheer weight of endless THC.

 

Sasuke would do perfectly fine here. No amount of THC would stop him. We’ve seen him break free from the hallucinations of his brother’s Genjutsu. With the power of his Sharingan, Sasuke could shake off any of the anxiety he’d get from being super high.

 

But Naruto is a sage.

 

All that training with the toads wasn’t for nothing. Naruto could simply tap into Sage Mode, totally clearing his mind and freeing him of any anxiety. Sasuke might be able to fight off a bad high, but Naruto would never even get there to begin with.

 

Verdict

 

 

Taking two out of the three rounds, the winner is Naruto. But was there really any doubt? This is the man who becomes Hokage, mind you. Sasuke might be better at smoking flower, but he just doesn’t have the peace of mind that Naruto possesses. And it’s that kind of optimism that everyone should have in the face of a challenge.

 

And there you have it. There’s no question; Naruto would utterly wipe the floor with Sasuke in a THC-consumption contest. Aren’t you relieved to finally have the answer? Gives us time to ask the even bigger questions.

 

Like, who’d win a smoke off: Goku, or Superman?

 

Wanna Learn More?

 

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